Katie Hopkins Dead?
Bonger News 12
Katie Hopkins dead? Well, this morning we were assured that this was the case. And this morning the world was very happy. People around the globe could not believe their luck. It appeared that Katie Hopkins had indeed popped her cloven hoofed clogs. Reports flowed in telling of her demise. Reporters around the world chortled. Katie Hopins dead. They could not contain their ecstasy. She had been poisoned. Or so they said.
Katie Hopkins dead
Apparently this happened on the night of her coven meeting. Her and the other witches had met as usual in the coven cave. They had all eaten dead cat stew and enjoyed it. Then Hopkins had some stewed bat casserole. Within seconds she was writhing on the bone and innard strewn floor. She turned green. Then she turned red. She shrieked out that she wanted to marry the devil then expired. Ding Dong the witch was dead. Katie Hopkins dead?
Katie Hopkins Mask
Recently, long before it was reported that Katie Hopkins died, a mask was found in Zombonka’s store in Oxford Street. I was a mask of Katie Hopkins; a horrid mask capable of sending people mad just by looking at it. It appeared in this video: Katie Hopkins mask
Is Katie Hopkins dead? Is The Whole World Happy?
Festivities began instantaneously around the globe. So from Rio to Reykjavik people flowed onto the streets. Prayers of thanks were said. And a new saint was proclaimed. Saint Poisoned Bat was hastily beatified. Then Saint Poisoned Bat was worshipped by millions around the world. Journalists from Calcutta to the milky way had flocked to the coven cave. They were looking for the chef. The chef who had cooked the bat that killed her. He/she was to be presented with prestigious awards. The awards included The purple heart. Also The Legion de honour. And ultimately The Victoria Cross and The Blue Peter Badge. But minutes after the announcement came another. Was Katie Hopkins dead? Er no.
World Enveloped In Misery
katie Hopkins dead. Nope, It was not true. The story was a fraud. Celebrations around the world were cancelled. The biggest, in Tropical Redcar, stopped immediately. People wept. People could not believe their misfortune. The whole population of Chyrobia mourned. International stock exchanges crashed. Around a million people threw themselves from tall buildings. The EU dreamed up another 300 ridiculous rules. A terrible day for Planet Earth.